That's the advice my Uncle Johnny gave me when I graduate from UT. At the time I was pissed that that was the sentiment he chose to write on his card to me. Did he not pay attention to the fact that I just graduated college? I had been in school for 17 years straight! Umm, no thanks Uncle Johnny. I'm good on the learning. Can you say, 'Brat'?!?
Wow, I can't believe it has been over a month since my last post. I'm sorry. I really do have so much to say, because let me tell you, my life is anything but boring. My uncle was right! I never did stop learning. I've learned a lot since December of 2003, when I thought I was done learning. I've learned that my family and friends mean the world to me. That, while I was blessed to have many great men in my life, there was 1 man out there that would make me feel feelings I never knew I could have for someone. That, even though I typically do not want to follow everyone's plan for my life, I will try to do it because it's definitely a lot easier when there is a plan already mapped out. And the list could go on and on and on and on. But I've learned so much since doing foster care and having these 3 kiddos placed with us. For obvious reasons I can't post specifics of what has caused me to learn these things, but I will post what I've learned.
First and foremost, I'm not their savior. There I said it. I'm not their savior. I cannot and will not change them. No matter how many rules I set up or how much I correct their behavior, I am not their savior. This is a truth that has been spoken into my life since they were first placed with us, even before that. One good friend looked me in the eye and smiled her sweet smile and said "Hope, you are not what they need." That's the kind of truth I need to hear. Because she was absolutely right. I am not what they need. They need a savior. They need the One and Only True Savior, Jesus. And y'all, heart out, I've failed them in that way. I've made them think, too much probably, that I am what they need. That Elias and I are going to give them everything that they need because we can do it because we have Jesus. I've prayed for God to fill them and to change them, but with so many ulterior motives, it's no longer even funny. I want God to change them and for them to love the Lord, not because that is what He desires of them, but so that way they will maybe be a little more tolerable at times. (It's important to note that this is not true of all of them, just one of them. They all have their moments though.) The problem with this is that I cannot be their savior. Period. I will fail them, I have failed them. And me pretending like this is all on me is the worst thing I can do. For them and for me. Especially for me. It's tiring. I obviously can only do so much without Christ and can only do all things through Him (Philippians 4:13), just ask them how many times,in the 2 months they have been here, that I've failed them. On second thought, don't.
I've learned that I'm totally capable of getting a schedule together, even though everything in me hates having to do it. I have to do it though because these kids find some peace in knowing what is for dinner tomorrow and breakfast and lunch and what we will be doing as a family, if anything. I've found that if I tell them about a doctors appt. or what time we're going to church or what-not, they will not freak out as much, even if they don't want to do it.
I've learned that,when you like someone, it's a lot easier to be humble and have humility with them. Not saying that it's ok to not do it when you don't like them, it's just a lot harder. Again, I've learned this the hard way.
I've learned that I miss my friends. I really truly miss hanging out with friends on a Friday evening just eating dinner or going to a movie or bowling or something like that. When we had Anna she was old enough that we could do those types of things with her. These 3 are so spread apart in age that it's just so tough sometimes.
Last, but not least, I've learned why my parents did everything they did when they did it and how they did it. I am so unbelievably thankful for the example Elias and I have in our parents. I'm also thankful for the advice we get from friends and family and the truth we receive when we are having a hard time.
Those are just some of the things I've learned. I'll try to be better about blogging. I promise.
Living this crazy life the Robles way. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
3 weeks in.
I can't believe it's been 3 weeks. It seems like forever! I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm serious when I say that it feels like forever. That's both a good and a bad thing. The good is that I feel like I've known these kids for much longer than 3 weeks and the love that I have for them is definitely not typical of the love I have for people I've only known for 3 weeks. The bad is that it feels like forever ago that I had a routine, albeit a lazy routine, but it was a routine none-the-less. And bad that it feels like forever since I last got enough sleep and had a feeling of anything other than exhaustion, both physically and mentally.
I have definitely learned so much about myself, my marriage, my opinions and my God since they've been here.
About myself, I've learned that I am capable of loving someone but not liking them on a daily basis and yet still wanting to help them and not give up on them. I've learned that I cannot wait for 2:45 because that is when I pick up my youngest little dude and get to hear about his day and see his smily and hear his laughter. Oh, his excitement. If only I could bottle it up and share it with you all, I promise you'd melt.
I've learned that I do want peoples advice and help because for the most part I have no idea what I'm doing or how to handle a situation that pops up. I know most people do not want unsolicited advice, but I say bring it on. If I don't like it I don't have to follow it. But maybe, just maybe, I can grab pieces of advice and piece it together to make something wonderful that will work. I've learned that our next foster care placement will more than likely not be such a wide range in age. It's pretty difficult to manage a 15 year old and a 9 year old and a 12 year old at the same time. I think our next placements will either be all teens or all younger than teens. I've learned not to put parameters around who you think you will like the most and get along with the best. It just doesn't work. I promise. Honestly, I thought that I wouldn't like the 9 year old age that much but I absolutely love it! Adore it. Wish I could bottle it up. I've also learned that, if I didn't think my parents knew what they were talking about already, I definitely know now and I am so thankful for their wisdom and guidance and love. I promise you that on a daily basis I call my mom and dad and apologize for acting like I did, ever, and ask for advice one how they handled it when I did act like I did. I asked my mom one day how she did it with us 3 kids and she simply responded, without hesitation, 'God'! God Bless my mom and dad for never taking us into their own hands and trying to make us work, but instead trusting that God would handle it all for us if they would just put us in His hands. That's good stuff right there.
About my marriage, I've learned that I absolutely love my man. I mean, head over heels, over the moon, ain't no other man like my man, love my Elias. I am so absolutely blessed that he would allow me to not work these past few months and support me in the decision to be a stay at home mom because these kids need this. I am so blessed that he works so hard and studies so much and still finds time to play with the kids and talk to them when he gets home and discipline them when he needs to. I've learned what it is like to truly serve him and make sure that he doesn't get lost in the shuffle of adding 3 kids to the mix. I've learned that I do not want anything, at all, ever to come between us. And I mean that. While I love these kids and they demand a lot from me, my husband means more to me than anything else on this world and I cannot let him and his feelings and his emotions fall to the wayside. Not gonna happen and I will fight to the death to make sure he knows he is loved and to serve him and honor him as the head of this family that God has called us to. "'Til death do us part."
About my opinions, I've learned that sometimes you just have to keep them to yourself until the right time. I've learned that sometimes opinions do change, even on those things that you swore they wouldn't, because it might not be the best opinion to have in this or that case. I've learned that the only opinion I have that has not and will not change is that God is in control and He holds my world in His hands. He is the same yesterday, today and forever and I will forever believe in that. I think the reason that hasn't changed is because it's not so much an opinion, but a fact that I know is true.
On that note. About my God, I've seen that He is the most faithful person in my life. Period. Each time something happens with any of the kids and I'm tempted to give up, He scoops me up and holds me close and I'm filled with His peace that passes all understanding. He never gives up on me and will always be there. He always has and always will. I've learned that God is gracious to us even when we didn't deserve it and therefore I should be an imitator of Him and be gracious to these kids, even when I don't think they deserve it. Because that's what love is and that's how He loves us. I've learned that He is all they need. They don't need me to micro-manage their lives or to discipline them until I'm blue in the face. They don't even need the family and friends that they so desperately miss. All they need is Him and my one and only job on this earth, along with Elias, is to point them to Him.
Wow, that's a lot that I've learned and it's only been 3 weeks! I linked up to a video of the song 'Never Once' by Matt Redman. If you've never heard it listen to it and let the words of that song sink in. "You are faithful God!"
Some verses that have gotten me through the past 3 weeks:
I have definitely learned so much about myself, my marriage, my opinions and my God since they've been here.
About myself, I've learned that I am capable of loving someone but not liking them on a daily basis and yet still wanting to help them and not give up on them. I've learned that I cannot wait for 2:45 because that is when I pick up my youngest little dude and get to hear about his day and see his smily and hear his laughter. Oh, his excitement. If only I could bottle it up and share it with you all, I promise you'd melt.
I've learned that I do want peoples advice and help because for the most part I have no idea what I'm doing or how to handle a situation that pops up. I know most people do not want unsolicited advice, but I say bring it on. If I don't like it I don't have to follow it. But maybe, just maybe, I can grab pieces of advice and piece it together to make something wonderful that will work. I've learned that our next foster care placement will more than likely not be such a wide range in age. It's pretty difficult to manage a 15 year old and a 9 year old and a 12 year old at the same time. I think our next placements will either be all teens or all younger than teens. I've learned not to put parameters around who you think you will like the most and get along with the best. It just doesn't work. I promise. Honestly, I thought that I wouldn't like the 9 year old age that much but I absolutely love it! Adore it. Wish I could bottle it up. I've also learned that, if I didn't think my parents knew what they were talking about already, I definitely know now and I am so thankful for their wisdom and guidance and love. I promise you that on a daily basis I call my mom and dad and apologize for acting like I did, ever, and ask for advice one how they handled it when I did act like I did. I asked my mom one day how she did it with us 3 kids and she simply responded, without hesitation, 'God'! God Bless my mom and dad for never taking us into their own hands and trying to make us work, but instead trusting that God would handle it all for us if they would just put us in His hands. That's good stuff right there.
About my marriage, I've learned that I absolutely love my man. I mean, head over heels, over the moon, ain't no other man like my man, love my Elias. I am so absolutely blessed that he would allow me to not work these past few months and support me in the decision to be a stay at home mom because these kids need this. I am so blessed that he works so hard and studies so much and still finds time to play with the kids and talk to them when he gets home and discipline them when he needs to. I've learned what it is like to truly serve him and make sure that he doesn't get lost in the shuffle of adding 3 kids to the mix. I've learned that I do not want anything, at all, ever to come between us. And I mean that. While I love these kids and they demand a lot from me, my husband means more to me than anything else on this world and I cannot let him and his feelings and his emotions fall to the wayside. Not gonna happen and I will fight to the death to make sure he knows he is loved and to serve him and honor him as the head of this family that God has called us to. "'Til death do us part."
About my opinions, I've learned that sometimes you just have to keep them to yourself until the right time. I've learned that sometimes opinions do change, even on those things that you swore they wouldn't, because it might not be the best opinion to have in this or that case. I've learned that the only opinion I have that has not and will not change is that God is in control and He holds my world in His hands. He is the same yesterday, today and forever and I will forever believe in that. I think the reason that hasn't changed is because it's not so much an opinion, but a fact that I know is true.
On that note. About my God, I've seen that He is the most faithful person in my life. Period. Each time something happens with any of the kids and I'm tempted to give up, He scoops me up and holds me close and I'm filled with His peace that passes all understanding. He never gives up on me and will always be there. He always has and always will. I've learned that God is gracious to us even when we didn't deserve it and therefore I should be an imitator of Him and be gracious to these kids, even when I don't think they deserve it. Because that's what love is and that's how He loves us. I've learned that He is all they need. They don't need me to micro-manage their lives or to discipline them until I'm blue in the face. They don't even need the family and friends that they so desperately miss. All they need is Him and my one and only job on this earth, along with Elias, is to point them to Him.
Wow, that's a lot that I've learned and it's only been 3 weeks! I linked up to a video of the song 'Never Once' by Matt Redman. If you've never heard it listen to it and let the words of that song sink in. "You are faithful God!"
Some verses that have gotten me through the past 3 weeks:
- Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
- 1 John 4: 7-8 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God."
- John 16:33 "...In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
Thursday, October 20, 2011
From 0 to 3
Or from 2 to 5, depends on how you look at it.
We are officially foster parents to 3 kids. Yup, you read that right, 3 kids! They came here Tuesday night and then we've just sorta been on fast forward since then. It's been good so far. I'm super tired though. I think last night was the best sleep I have ever had. I feel like yesterday was a big blur.
They really are neat kids. Easy to talk to, very respectful, and cute as can be. I really wish y'all could see them for yourselves. My dog is worn out. I'm worn out. Elias is worn out. I'm sure they are worn out. Yesterday I was so tired that I remember thinking, 'tomorrow they will all 3 be in school and then I can rest.' It's tomorrow and while they definitely are in school and physically I'm resting, mentally and emotionally I'm not. It's strange how as soon as someone is in your care all you want is to make them feel safe. I remember feeling this way about Anna. And now I have 3 kids that I want to make sure are ok. I want to make sure that at school they are being treated right by students and staff. I want to make sure that they get enough to eat at lunch. I want to make sure that they are learning. I want to make sure they feel safe. I gave them each a little note card with our names and numbers and our address, just in case they need to fill it out or even to use it. But I really wish I could just be there with them to make sure that they know that no matter what it's going to be ok.
These kids are precious, not just to us, but to their family and friends they've had to leave behind and more importantly to our God. With that knowledge I can rest and trust that they are ok because I can't be there with them, but they are not alone. They have a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
So, let the adventure begin!
We are officially foster parents to 3 kids. Yup, you read that right, 3 kids! They came here Tuesday night and then we've just sorta been on fast forward since then. It's been good so far. I'm super tired though. I think last night was the best sleep I have ever had. I feel like yesterday was a big blur.
They really are neat kids. Easy to talk to, very respectful, and cute as can be. I really wish y'all could see them for yourselves. My dog is worn out. I'm worn out. Elias is worn out. I'm sure they are worn out. Yesterday I was so tired that I remember thinking, 'tomorrow they will all 3 be in school and then I can rest.' It's tomorrow and while they definitely are in school and physically I'm resting, mentally and emotionally I'm not. It's strange how as soon as someone is in your care all you want is to make them feel safe. I remember feeling this way about Anna. And now I have 3 kids that I want to make sure are ok. I want to make sure that at school they are being treated right by students and staff. I want to make sure that they get enough to eat at lunch. I want to make sure that they are learning. I want to make sure they feel safe. I gave them each a little note card with our names and numbers and our address, just in case they need to fill it out or even to use it. But I really wish I could just be there with them to make sure that they know that no matter what it's going to be ok.
These kids are precious, not just to us, but to their family and friends they've had to leave behind and more importantly to our God. With that knowledge I can rest and trust that they are ok because I can't be there with them, but they are not alone. They have a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
So, let the adventure begin!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
i feel?!?!?!?!?!
So today, yes, today, at about 5:30 pm we are expecting to have our very first placement. I am so....ahh, I have so many emotions that last for small bursts of moments at a time. I don't even know where to begin. Here are just some of the emotions I've felt since getting 'the' call yesterday:
- happy
- scared
- nervous
- unprepared
- excited
- nervous
- hopeful
- nervous
- calm
Notice a trend? I am pretty nervous right about now. And I know this is probably normal, but still. I don't think I thought I'd be this nervous.
I'm currently doing what I think is "nesting". Since I've never had a baby I'm not sure, but just from conversations with friends about their nesting stage of pregnancy, I think this is the equivalent in foster care. I will say, that I did do pretty much the same thing when we knew Anna was going to come stay with us. So, maybe it should just be called preparing and it should not be exclusive to pregnancy. My SIL said yesterday that it's like I just went in for my checkup to the doctor yesterday and they told me they are going to induce:) haha!
Anywho-of course there is the possibility that this could fall through, as a couple other placements have. But, they never got this far. So, pray for me. Pray that, above all, I would just love like I've been loved. And pray for the kids. Unfortunately I can't show you pictures of them or say their names or anything like that, but God knows them by name. Since before they were in their mother's womb. So just pray.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I miss her...
Photo by Walker Pickering
I know I've shown y'all a picture of her before and even talked a little bit about her, but today I'm just going to share some of the wonderful memories I have with this sweet girl and some of the things I miss. And Anna, if you are reading this, please don't be embarrassed;)
When Anna first got here I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I mean no idea. All I knew is that the moment I saw super blonde hair, jacket, and scarf (it was the end of August and we were in the middle of our heat wave) coming down the stairs at the airport, she was going to be in for the shock of her life and Elias and I were going to have to walk her through it. And we didn't even have to leave the airport for her to see that. As soon as we got outside I turned to look at her and her eyes were wide and she said "woo, it's hot!" I turned around and smiled to myself. I knew this was going to be a fun 5 months.
There were so many things that were lost in translation. So many things. Over the course of her stay here I realized that she probably spoke better English than most of the people I know, myself included. I also realized that we, Americans/Texans, have a lot of phrases that we use that she probably never caught on to and probably never will. I learned that there is a big difference in the way we say Michael in the US and they say Michael in Germany. Big difference;) I learned that paprika is not just a spice you put on food for seasoning, it's an actual bell pepper in Germany. Too bad it took 5 months to figure that one out. Poor girl. So, in honor of her recent 18th birthday (I know I'm a week too late) I'm going to list the 18 things I miss the most about Anna. *These are in no particular order.*
There were so many things that were lost in translation. So many things. Over the course of her stay here I realized that she probably spoke better English than most of the people I know, myself included. I also realized that we, Americans/Texans, have a lot of phrases that we use that she probably never caught on to and probably never will. I learned that there is a big difference in the way we say Michael in the US and they say Michael in Germany. Big difference;) I learned that paprika is not just a spice you put on food for seasoning, it's an actual bell pepper in Germany. Too bad it took 5 months to figure that one out. Poor girl. So, in honor of her recent 18th birthday (I know I'm a week too late) I'm going to list the 18 things I miss the most about Anna. *These are in no particular order.*
1. The way she always ate her spaghetti with a spoon and a fork. You know, how they teach in etiquette class.
2. The way that she would wear Burnt Orange because she knew I liked it, even though she really didn't like it much.
3. The way she would always go to the store with me, even if it was a quick trip.
4. The way she would always tell me good morning and good bye in the morning as she was on her way to school.
5. The way she would ask us what something meant and why we would say stuff the way we did if it just didn't make sense.
6. The fact that she would go with us to church and we never had to 'drag' her there.
7. The way she loved Colty and told all her friends about him.
8. The way she called Elias "Elia" or "Papa E", depending on her mood.
9. The way that, while she was definitely more girly than me, she wasn't too girly when it came time to clothes. Thus, making it easy for me to shop with her.
10. The way she genuinely loved her Vans. And was very deliberate in picking them out because she wanted to wear them back in Germany.
11. The fact that she went with me to the UT football games and attempted to learn about football, even though she hated it.
12. The way she loved our friends and family.
13. The talks we would have after Elias had gone to bed, about just stuff.
14. The cute way she would whine when it came to school. Whining is just so much cuter in German.
15. The way that she picked up on "y'all" so fast and still uses it in her everyday language.
16. The way that, just a month into her 5 month stay with us, she said at dinner "oh, I'm gonna miss queso!"
17. The fact that she took a Texas flag home with her, because she was in Texas, not the US;)
18. The fact that even though we were pretty lame, she still humored us and told us we were the best host parents ever and will still talk to us, 9 months after she has left.
It's really hard thinking of just 18 things that you love and trying to generalize them. For every one of those things I love, there are a hundred memories wrapped up inside of them that make me love it even more. I would love to tell y'all the difference between Michael in German and Michael in English, but I promise you that reading it will not do it justice. Next time you see me or talk to me, just ask me and I'll be glad to verbally tell you the story. It's one you'll definitely want to hear.
I miss her. I wish she was back here with us. I wish that Germany and Austin were right next to each other. I wish that our future kids would get the chance to live with such a cool, sweet girl. She is the best German kid I could have ever asked for. She taught me so much about life and love. A different kind of love. She taught me that I can love someone else's child and send them back home when the time comes. And though I'm not in their life everyday, there will always be the memories.
And now I'll leave you with some pictures of just a few of these memories.
Her first weekend here, at the Co-op. She had no idea what she was doing this for, but she did it, bc I did:)
From the beginning they had their bond!
Again, the first weekend...she had no idea why we liked that cow so much.
By this point she understood a little more of what to do.
She rode a good old fashioned carnival ride at the Wurstfest.
She hung out with these old folks...
She was getting the hang of it. Still didn't like it too much, but she did it.
Dancing on the Wii.
One of her last nights here.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Learning to wait. Waiting to learn.
I think that, so far, the hardest part of foster care has been the waiting. If I'm being honest, I'm not a fan of waiting. At all. I've been doing a Bible study on the book of Esther and she taught us about chiastic structure. Don't know what that is? Don't worry, I didn't either, at first. So, as she was teaching us this, I started thinking about what a good example of chiastic structure would be in my life right now. I came up with this, "I'm not learning to wait, I'm waiting to learn." And, boy, that is so true in my life.
I'm not quite sure I'll ever learn how to wait. In fact, I'm pretty confident that I will not ever master the art of waiting and being patient. However, the upside of waiting is learning. Learning that God is in control no matter how out of control the situation seems. Learning that His peace that passes all understanding can flood you and fill you to your very core. Learning that no matter how much you think you trust God, until you truly trust Him, I mean free falling with no safety net, you'll never be content. Learning so many things that if you had not been forced to wait, you probably would never have learned.
I can honestly say that there are so many things that I'm learning right now that it seems like I'll never stop waiting. I do not like saying no to a kid who really just needs a second chance because I am not only obligated to protect and love this kid that will be coming into my life but the people around me too. Breaks my heart. But in waiting, I learn that God has the perfect family for that kid out there and that He is still sovereign and in control of their life. I do not like being told about a situation that is pretty unusual, even for foster care, and come to terms with that possibly being in our life and then being told that they would like to wait for awhile to see if something else works out. But in waiting, I learn that God knows where those kids need to be and again, He is still sovereign and in control of their life. I do not like being given a choice of who I want to come into our lives and be our family. I would really rather them just give me a call that says, "we're on our way" rather than "do you have a minute, let me tell you about them and you tell me what you think". I'd rather just deal with it as I go along. Roll with the punches, if you will. But in waiting, I learn that God is so gracious that He gives me a choice so that I can turn to Him and seek His wisdom, rather than my own, and yet again, remember that He is still sovereign and in control of their life.
I could go on and on and on and on and....you get the picture. In this period of waiting I'm learning so much about my God who loves me and Elias so much. Waiting is not fun or good if you do it alone. But if you wait on the LORD, He will give you strength to endure the wait. You'll learn that He was showing you something that you needed to see and if you weren't being still and waiting you might have just passed it by. You'll learn that you weren't ever waiting for the sake of waiting, you were waiting to gain strength for what is coming ahead. You'll see that there was a purpose in your wait. And you'll learn, oh you will learn, if you're willing to wait, that He is worth waiting for.
"Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:31
I'm not quite sure I'll ever learn how to wait. In fact, I'm pretty confident that I will not ever master the art of waiting and being patient. However, the upside of waiting is learning. Learning that God is in control no matter how out of control the situation seems. Learning that His peace that passes all understanding can flood you and fill you to your very core. Learning that no matter how much you think you trust God, until you truly trust Him, I mean free falling with no safety net, you'll never be content. Learning so many things that if you had not been forced to wait, you probably would never have learned.
I can honestly say that there are so many things that I'm learning right now that it seems like I'll never stop waiting. I do not like saying no to a kid who really just needs a second chance because I am not only obligated to protect and love this kid that will be coming into my life but the people around me too. Breaks my heart. But in waiting, I learn that God has the perfect family for that kid out there and that He is still sovereign and in control of their life. I do not like being told about a situation that is pretty unusual, even for foster care, and come to terms with that possibly being in our life and then being told that they would like to wait for awhile to see if something else works out. But in waiting, I learn that God knows where those kids need to be and again, He is still sovereign and in control of their life. I do not like being given a choice of who I want to come into our lives and be our family. I would really rather them just give me a call that says, "we're on our way" rather than "do you have a minute, let me tell you about them and you tell me what you think". I'd rather just deal with it as I go along. Roll with the punches, if you will. But in waiting, I learn that God is so gracious that He gives me a choice so that I can turn to Him and seek His wisdom, rather than my own, and yet again, remember that He is still sovereign and in control of their life.
I could go on and on and on and on and....you get the picture. In this period of waiting I'm learning so much about my God who loves me and Elias so much. Waiting is not fun or good if you do it alone. But if you wait on the LORD, He will give you strength to endure the wait. You'll learn that He was showing you something that you needed to see and if you weren't being still and waiting you might have just passed it by. You'll learn that you weren't ever waiting for the sake of waiting, you were waiting to gain strength for what is coming ahead. You'll see that there was a purpose in your wait. And you'll learn, oh you will learn, if you're willing to wait, that He is worth waiting for.
"Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:31
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Houston, we have been certified!
That's right people, we are officially 100% done with our certification for foster care! I can't believe that I was so lazy and it took me 6 months to accomplish what I needed 3 weeks to do. It's downright shameful when you think about it. However, I am thankful for the time Elias and I had in these 6 months. We have gone through a lot of changes in the Robles household and this new change is going to just fit right in. What are the changes we've gone through in the last 6 months, you ask?
- At the end of March, I quit my job of 7.5 years. Did I mention that I was the primary provider financially for us? And did I mention that Elias had not yet been given a start date for the police academy that he had been waiting on for 2 years already? Yeah, it was all God. And to God be all the glory that I would ever get to the point where I would leave what I think is comfortable to do what God wants for me.
- In the first week of April, Elias finally received the letter we had been waiting for. He had a start date for his academy . He started the academy on August 15th! I've had to learn how to be patient when I don't really want to. And I've had to learn how to serve my husband better, which coincidentally is what I said was my weakest point in our marriage, funny God. I've also learned how to press cami's like it's nobody's business. Oh snap, I've become domesticated, for real. But in all seriousness, praise God for guiding us out of the desert and not doing it until we were obedient to Him.
- We bought bunk beds/storage/bedding and other miscellaneous things to make sure we were in compliance with the rules set by the state of Texas. I have had to assemble most of the furniture on my own since Elias is either at the academy or studying. Don't worry, I am not completely helpless. I've done a pretty dang good job at bringing back that girl in me who can do stuff. We also renovated a bathroom by ourselves, with a little help from my dad. Those close to me know how frustrating this bathroom renovation was, but we love it now and feel like it was totally worth it.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Don't judge me.
We are almost done! We are about 99% done with our certification for foster care. I'm so excited and ready and nervous and scared all at the same time. It's a little weird to be feeling those things all at once. It's so crazy to think that we're going to have a kid(s) in our care in a week or so. It's also crazy to think of all the emotions that will go with having kids. I'm a pretty emotional person who usually likes to just get the emotion out and move on. Especially if it's more of a negative emotion (anger, jealousy, frustration, etc.).
Three times yesterday I had conversations with friends about what is coming up in our lives and how different it's going to be. It's amazing how God knows just what you need to be around when you need it and how He puts people in your life who will challenge you in the ways you will need to be challenged.
A recurring theme came up that I want to talk about here. It's actually what I am the most worried about. So bear with me as I lay it out.
My biggest fear is what other people will say about my kids and how I will respond. You see, we might have kids who just don't know how to act. I'm sure I'm going to be 'that mom' with 'those kids' who get the condescending looks and comments in the restaurant and the store. I'm pretty confident that my kids are going to do something that other parents would never allow their kids to do. My kids are going to have issues that we are going to have to deal with. And Elias and I are more than willing to deal with them because let's face it, we have issues that God deals with and He loves us still. But my biggest fear is not so much that I'm concerned with what other people think of my kids (although that could change once I have them here) but with how I am going to react. Remember what I said about being an emotional person? I'm afraid that the first time someone gives that look or says something or makes my child feel bad for no good reason I'm not going to be nice. And I mean it. My first reaction when someone hurts anyone I love is 'I want to punch you in the face.' And in the moment I really do. But what usually happens, because I'm so mature (ha!) or I'm not in a place where I could punch them and get away with it (99% of the time), is I get really angry and then cry! And it's not because I want them to feel sorry for me or even because I'm sad. It's all because for some reason my eyes never seem to be able to hold back the emotion that I have. And then, I'm going to be even more mad that I cried in front of them and let them have the satisfaction of seeing it.
And that's not what I want for many reasons. 1st-Christ has called us to love and to forgive. (Proverbs 20:22, Proverbs 24:29). He says not to pay them back for what they did. 2nd-What kind of example would that be for the kids that God will be entrusting us with? And what kind of example would that be for them? Romans 12:17-21 says "Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. “BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." This passage has been resonating in my heart for about a week now. Coincidence with everything going on? Come on! He has a plan and He has already determined this time in my life. There is no such thing as coincidence, it's all God's providence.
We are so blessed to be able to have so many people surrounding us that love us and are supporting us through this time so I know there will be lots of accountability. And I know that our God is a gracious loving God, so if I slip up and say something in anger to someone, He'll still love me and He'll still forgive me. Doesn't mean He won't discipline me, but His love will still be there.
I think I'll just stay inside and avoid everyone else who doesn't support us. Problem solved. But, just in case I venture out of these 4 walls, I'm going to kill 'em with kindness. And if and when those looks or comments come our way I will remember the words of my Lord.
Three times yesterday I had conversations with friends about what is coming up in our lives and how different it's going to be. It's amazing how God knows just what you need to be around when you need it and how He puts people in your life who will challenge you in the ways you will need to be challenged.
A recurring theme came up that I want to talk about here. It's actually what I am the most worried about. So bear with me as I lay it out.
My biggest fear is what other people will say about my kids and how I will respond. You see, we might have kids who just don't know how to act. I'm sure I'm going to be 'that mom' with 'those kids' who get the condescending looks and comments in the restaurant and the store. I'm pretty confident that my kids are going to do something that other parents would never allow their kids to do. My kids are going to have issues that we are going to have to deal with. And Elias and I are more than willing to deal with them because let's face it, we have issues that God deals with and He loves us still. But my biggest fear is not so much that I'm concerned with what other people think of my kids (although that could change once I have them here) but with how I am going to react. Remember what I said about being an emotional person? I'm afraid that the first time someone gives that look or says something or makes my child feel bad for no good reason I'm not going to be nice. And I mean it. My first reaction when someone hurts anyone I love is 'I want to punch you in the face.' And in the moment I really do. But what usually happens, because I'm so mature (ha!) or I'm not in a place where I could punch them and get away with it (99% of the time), is I get really angry and then cry! And it's not because I want them to feel sorry for me or even because I'm sad. It's all because for some reason my eyes never seem to be able to hold back the emotion that I have. And then, I'm going to be even more mad that I cried in front of them and let them have the satisfaction of seeing it.
And that's not what I want for many reasons. 1st-Christ has called us to love and to forgive. (Proverbs 20:22, Proverbs 24:29). He says not to pay them back for what they did. 2nd-What kind of example would that be for the kids that God will be entrusting us with? And what kind of example would that be for them? Romans 12:17-21 says "Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. “BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." This passage has been resonating in my heart for about a week now. Coincidence with everything going on? Come on! He has a plan and He has already determined this time in my life. There is no such thing as coincidence, it's all God's providence.
We are so blessed to be able to have so many people surrounding us that love us and are supporting us through this time so I know there will be lots of accountability. And I know that our God is a gracious loving God, so if I slip up and say something in anger to someone, He'll still love me and He'll still forgive me. Doesn't mean He won't discipline me, but His love will still be there.
I think I'll just stay inside and avoid everyone else who doesn't support us. Problem solved. But, just in case I venture out of these 4 walls, I'm going to kill 'em with kindness. And if and when those looks or comments come our way I will remember the words of my Lord.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Where to start?
As I ended in the last post, the biggest question we had was, "Where do we start?". So, if it was up to me I would have researched and researched and tried to figure out what was the best way for us to adopt. I would have looked at blogs on adoption and gone from there. I would have undoubtedly become overwhelmed to the point that I'm sure there would have been tears. But praise God for knowing more than me. Let me elaborate on that last sentence there for a moment. This past Sunday our Pastor preached an amazing message on being a church for the city. One of the main points of the message was that we are all here in the place/position we are because God appointed us to be here at this time. Acts 17:26 tells us 'and he made from one, every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times, and the boundaries of their habitation.' I really want you to keep that last part of that verse in your mind when I tell you where we started.
So, we began to pray and ask God where to start. And seriously, about a month or so after we first got our sweet girl, Anna, an agency that places children in homes for foster care and adoption, held an information meeting at one of our church campuses. This wasn't the first time we heard about foster care or even the first time we considered it. But it was the first time that not only would we able to attend the meeting to learn more, but we were also being supported by our missional community. All of us went to this meeting to hear and learn more about what all foster care entailed. But God had a plan for Elias and I that only He could play out. Remember, He has already determined our appointed times and places!
That night as we sat in that information meeting learning more about foster care we saw faces. We saw precious little faces of children who were without a home. Some for just a little while, while they waited on their mom or dad to get the help they needed to be reunited with them once again. Some for some time already and still more time to go. They showed us kids who had been in foster care, taking a picture that would go on a website for prospective parents to look at. And we were broken. Because some of these kids were 5 years old when they took their first picture to put on the website. Did you catch that? FIRST PICTURE. Then they were older, taking new pictures every year or so to put on the website in hopes that someone would see them and want them. Elias and I knew that night that God wasn't just calling us to adopt, He was specifically calling us to adopt kids in the foster care system and to even do just plain ole foster care for kids so they would know they have a place to call home, if and when they needed.
So we grabbed the applications that night and got home and immediately began filling them out. We turned them in and began the training for foster care in January of 2011. So, that my friends is how we started the process for foster care. Do you see now how Acts 17:26 is so amazingly profound in light of everything? I mean, the fact that God knew that we would be around adoption growing up and know it's for us in the future and when that future became the present God, the Almighty, Creator of all things, would put us EXACTLY where where we needed to be to get started? I can't help but think of the Apostle Paul's words when I think of this whole process "Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and unfathomable His ways!" Romans 11:33!
*Disclaimer* I'm not, in any way at all, saying that adoption of babies or kids from other nations is not an option for us or even that it's not a good option for anyone. In fact, Elias and I would love to adopt every single orphan in this world. But being that there are 147 million orphans in the world, I don't think we have a house big enough. Good thing is, I know Someone who does.
So, we began to pray and ask God where to start. And seriously, about a month or so after we first got our sweet girl, Anna, an agency that places children in homes for foster care and adoption, held an information meeting at one of our church campuses. This wasn't the first time we heard about foster care or even the first time we considered it. But it was the first time that not only would we able to attend the meeting to learn more, but we were also being supported by our missional community. All of us went to this meeting to hear and learn more about what all foster care entailed. But God had a plan for Elias and I that only He could play out. Remember, He has already determined our appointed times and places!
That night as we sat in that information meeting learning more about foster care we saw faces. We saw precious little faces of children who were without a home. Some for just a little while, while they waited on their mom or dad to get the help they needed to be reunited with them once again. Some for some time already and still more time to go. They showed us kids who had been in foster care, taking a picture that would go on a website for prospective parents to look at. And we were broken. Because some of these kids were 5 years old when they took their first picture to put on the website. Did you catch that? FIRST PICTURE. Then they were older, taking new pictures every year or so to put on the website in hopes that someone would see them and want them. Elias and I knew that night that God wasn't just calling us to adopt, He was specifically calling us to adopt kids in the foster care system and to even do just plain ole foster care for kids so they would know they have a place to call home, if and when they needed.
So we grabbed the applications that night and got home and immediately began filling them out. We turned them in and began the training for foster care in January of 2011. So, that my friends is how we started the process for foster care. Do you see now how Acts 17:26 is so amazingly profound in light of everything? I mean, the fact that God knew that we would be around adoption growing up and know it's for us in the future and when that future became the present God, the Almighty, Creator of all things, would put us EXACTLY where where we needed to be to get started? I can't help but think of the Apostle Paul's words when I think of this whole process "Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and unfathomable His ways!" Romans 11:33!
*Disclaimer* I'm not, in any way at all, saying that adoption of babies or kids from other nations is not an option for us or even that it's not a good option for anyone. In fact, Elias and I would love to adopt every single orphan in this world. But being that there are 147 million orphans in the world, I don't think we have a house big enough. Good thing is, I know Someone who does.
How'd we get here.
So, the main question we are asked is 'how'd you decide that foster/adopt was for you'. And the answer we always give is 'God'. Because if I'm being honest, that is not just a reason, but the best reason why. You see, Elias and I knew we'd always wanted to adopt, even before we were married. He had read about caring for the orphan in the Bible growing up and knew it was something he could do. I had been around it so much growing up, even foster care for a brief time, that I couldn't really imagine not doing it. I think the point where we knew it was what we were going to do in our family was about 2-3 years ago. I was working at a school here in Austin that worked with at-risk youth. Elias was finishing up his Bachelor's degree at Texas State University. We were definitely at a place where we knew we were going to move on to the next step in life, but we just didn't know how or when. We began praying and asking God what He wanted for us.
Last year, exactly 1 year ago this week actually, we had a sweet girl from Germany come live us for about 5 months. Those were quite possibly the best 5 months I've had in quite some time. We had so much fun being her 'parents' here in the US. We knew, for sure, that God was calling us to start our family. We also knew adoption was how He wanted our family to begin. We, as Christians, as sons and daughters of God, have been adopted into the family of God. When you study the Word, you can't help but notice that God is pretty clear on how He feels about orphans. In case you need some convincing, here are some verses that mention orphans.
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| Us with Anna watching a UT football game in 2010. |
- Hosea 14:3- In you the orphan finds mercy.
- Exodus 22:22- You shall not afflict any widow or orphan.
- Deuteronomy 10:18- He executes justice for the orphan and widow, and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing.
- James 1:27- This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
- Isaiah 1:17- Learn to do good, seek justice, reprove the ruthless; Defend the orphan, plead for the widow.
- Psalm 68:5- A Father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, Is God in His holy habitation.
So, we weren't completely convinced and needed a little more convincing. Nah, I'm just kidding. We absolutely knew that is what God wanted. Now we just needed to figure out where to start.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Let's get this party started
Alright, I have tried and tried to find the perfect way to start this blog. I've tried to come up with a clever name (which I didn't) and a clever description (again, fail) and countless other clever things. In the end I just decided to get it started. So, here it goes.
Elias and I are in the process of finishing our certification for Foster Care. We plan on doing all aspects of fostering, short-term/long-term/adoption. It has been a complete whirlwind when you think of timeline and everything that has happened/changed in the past couple of years. I must confess, knowing where to start on this blog is hard to determine. We're often asked why we want to foster/adopt and how we made the decision and honestly I can only answer that we listened to God.
I plan on going more in depth about our journey, but for now, this will do.
Elias and I are in the process of finishing our certification for Foster Care. We plan on doing all aspects of fostering, short-term/long-term/adoption. It has been a complete whirlwind when you think of timeline and everything that has happened/changed in the past couple of years. I must confess, knowing where to start on this blog is hard to determine. We're often asked why we want to foster/adopt and how we made the decision and honestly I can only answer that we listened to God.
I plan on going more in depth about our journey, but for now, this will do.
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