Learning to wait. Waiting to learn.

I think that, so far, the hardest part of foster care has been the waiting. If I'm being honest, I'm not a fan of waiting. At all. I've been doing a Bible study on the book of Esther and she taught us about chiastic structure. Don't know what that is? Don't worry, I didn't either, at first. So, as she was teaching us this, I started thinking about what a good example of chiastic structure would be in my life right now. I came up with this, "I'm not learning to wait, I'm waiting to learn." And, boy, that is so true in my life.

I'm not quite sure I'll ever learn how to wait. In fact, I'm pretty confident that I will not ever master the art of waiting and being patient. However, the upside of waiting is learning. Learning that God is in control no matter how out of control the situation seems. Learning that His peace that passes all understanding can flood you and fill you to your very core. Learning that no matter how much you think you trust God, until you truly trust Him, I mean free falling with no safety net, you'll never be content. Learning so many things that if you had not been forced to wait, you probably would never have learned.

I can honestly say that there are so many things that I'm learning right now that it seems like I'll never stop waiting. I do not like saying no to a kid who really just needs a second chance because I am not only obligated to protect and love this kid that will be coming into my life but the people around me too. Breaks my heart. But in waiting, I learn that God has the perfect family for that kid out there and that He is still sovereign and in control of their life. I do not like being told about a situation that is pretty unusual, even for foster care, and come to terms with that possibly being in our life and then being told that they would like to wait for awhile to see if something else works out. But in waiting, I learn that God knows where those kids need to be and again, He is still sovereign and in control of their life. I do not like being given a choice of who I want to come into our lives and be our family. I would really rather them just give me a call that says, "we're on our way" rather than "do you have a minute, let me tell you about them and you tell me what you think". I'd rather just deal with it as I go along. Roll with the punches, if you will. But in waiting, I learn that God is so gracious that He gives me a choice so that I can turn to Him and seek His wisdom, rather than my own, and yet again, remember that He is still sovereign and in control of their life.

I could go on and on and on and on and....you get the picture. In this period of waiting I'm learning so much about my God who loves me and Elias so much. Waiting is not fun or good if you do it alone. But if you wait on the LORD, He will give you strength to endure the wait. You'll learn that He was showing you something that you needed to see and if you weren't being still and waiting you might have just passed it by. You'll learn that you weren't ever waiting for the sake of waiting, you were waiting to gain strength for what is coming ahead. You'll see that there was a purpose in your wait. And you'll learn, oh you will learn, if you're willing to wait, that He is worth waiting for.

"Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:31