It's been a while since I have posted. I think about it all the time. Posts run thru my head all the time. Things I want to say. Things I want to remember. Things I want you to know. Things I want to reference at a later time. And sometimes I have time to do it, I just don't, for one reason or another. Sometimes I really don't have time. I think about it when the day is over and I am too tired to give anymore use to my brain or body.
We're back in the swing of things here in the Robles casa. School started on the 24th of August and it was a much welcomed day for the parents and kids alike. The kids were excited to get back to seeing friends. The parents were excited to not deal with clashing personalities all.day.long. It was just good for everyone.
I'll give you a photo dump of all that we did this summer so you can catch up.
In no particular order:
Beach day!
This guy turned 13!!!
These 2 went to Beach Camp with the church and momma missed them big time.
These 2 swam in the little pool grandpa set up for them.
This girl watched the fireworks with us. So good to have a lifelong friend!
This girl was sassy as ever.
These people made the last minute trek to Austin to celebrate freedom with us!
This girl realized the beach is the best place to be!
Got to celebrate 60 years of my momma being on this earth. No greater honor than being her daughter.
Got to go to the zoo with my BFF and her kids!
Got to spend some much needed time with this girl. So thankful for her faithfulness.
Haddie really really loves the beach!
My heart is so full with this picture. So many of the people I love at the place I love the most!
Celebrated 9 years of marriage with this dude!
Happy Birthday, America!
A grandma and most of her grandkids on the 4th!
Kemah Boardwalk with the fam!
Yup, that's my family. Move out of our way:)
If you can't tell, we had a busy and full summer. We got to spend much needed time with so many people we love and who love us.
I won't lie and tell you that this summer just was amazing and relaxing. There were some really good times but it was and has been hard. I'll make another blog about those times another time.
I woke up this morning at 6:50. I loathe waking up and seeing any number lower than 8 in the hour space. Really 9, but some days 8 is good.
I woke up and the house was mostly silent so I took deep breaths and debated whether I should get my coffee now or after I take the 10 y/o to school. The choice was made for me.
I cursed my life, {dramatic, I know} and got up and did the morning mom thing. Break up a fight, remind kids why we don't eat in the bathroom {barf}, explained why wearing your Vans without socks would lead to more problems down the road but if you really want to then by all means, for the love of God, get your shoes on so we.can.go.
No grace in that moment. No hate, but no grace. I wanted to scream and on the short drive to the school, I just asked God to give me the grace to love my life at 7:30 am.
Just when I swore I ruined the little guys day and I would for sure pay for it with a condescending conversation with the teacher {who somehow thinks that I give this kid all the ammo he needs to be super hyped because I obviously don't like her, or so it seems}, a song comes on the radio and I hear the little guy chuckle his cute little chuckle and say, "You really like this song even though it's annoying. Like you like me and Christian, even when we're annoying."
We pulled up into the driveway at the school and I bid him a heartfelt good day and tell him that I do in fact love him. He tells me to have a good day too and that he knows I love him.
Foster Care is hard. So very very hard sometimes. Especially with older kids. But it's always worth it. Even when the rain is pouring down in your soul and it's hard to see, the sun is still there. Keeping your soul from going completely dark. And one day, you'll look back and remember the time a kid reminded you that he is worth it.
Yesterday was hard. I woke up, for the first time in a while, on my own and not to the sound of kids arguing or sneaking around the house. I got ready for church. I got Hadley ready. Still, everything was calm. I walk out of my room and I have kids there who look like they just wanted to let me sleep in before they let their crazy out. Two boys gave me the look that said, "I just can't hold it in any longer." They began working on a chore that they didn't complete from the day before and thats when it all came crumbling down.
To say that it was a good teaching moment where the birds were chirping and the sun was shining, everyone was skipping as they walked into the rest of the day, would be a lie. It was not pretty. It was heated. Angry words poured out of mouths. Angry tears poured out of eyes. Hurt gushed out of the heart of one of the kids involved and into the heart of one angry and tired mom.
We got everything together and went to church. Not because I wanted to go to church. It was solely because Kristina was going to a friends house after church and I didn't want one more disappointed child in my house. She wouldn't have been very verbal about it, but I would have known that the disappointment was there and that would have been enough.
I walked into church and sent the kids to their individual classes. I visited with one friend who is also fostering; a sweet baby just a few weeks older than Hadley. I listened to her as she told me where she was at with her baby. I hugged her and as I walked away I saw another friend who has been such a great source of hope for me. A wise teacher, with a loving ear to listen and rich words of truth. She is proof, to me, that no matter what the situation that is happening, you do live and life will in fact go on and God is still good and worthy of praise.
I walked into the gym and found the first seat I could find and set my stuff down as a broken, weary soul. The worship leader began singing these words,
for the fatherless we pray be the father
let those who lost their way be understood
for the widow and the broken - be the lover who will hold them
we know that you are God and you are good
yes we know that you are God and you are good
for those who mourn today be the comfort
and who hunger after you be satisfied
you bless the poor in spiritfor Heaven is their kingdom
we know that you are God and you are good
yes we know that you are God and your are good
And the tears flowed. And the weariness showed. I am sure that, to the people sitting around me, I looked crazy. Just as I am sure to my friends and to my kids I look crazy. But, in that moment, I honestly did not care about anything but knowing that He is God and He is good.
Because, for 3 out of the 4 kids in my home, mourning is something they have done or are in the process of doing, or, even, as we have learned recently, are forced to do when they thought it had all finished. I have sat with my kids and held them as the tears flowed because of situations that are completely out of their control and begged God to please comfort them. I have sat in school offices and received phone calls where people tell me that my kids behaviors are not typical and I could only laugh quietly to myself and begged God to help them be understood and for them to understand.
And so, on Sunday, I begged God again, in that gym, to please comfort my sweet foster son. To please mend his broken spirit. To please remind him that God is good even when people and situations around us are not. I asked God to remind me that He is good, always.
Foster care is not always easy. It's quite often hard. It's also quite often good. There are very few bad days that meld together and make you think it will never end. There are constant reminders that we live in a very broken world. When a blonde haired, blue eyed, cutie, walks into your living room, you are reminded of how he got there. And you are reminded that God is good. When you are making plans for your daughters 16th birthday(!), and she gives you these big dreams she has for her party, you are reminded that God is good. When you receive a call from a principal at your kids school because your kid is acting a fool and your kids says, "I'm just not used to always being in school", you remember God is good. And when you walk into church after having one of the worse mornings you have ever had and you see friends who remind you that He has given you the grace to get through these circumstances, you know He is good.
Even in those heated moments, where hurt is flowing and it seems like there is no end in sight, you know that He is God and He is good.
