Moments that make you grateful

There are moments in parenting that make you want to scream. They make you want to pull your hair out. They make you want to curl into a ball and go back to sleep and try again tomorrow. When you stay home with your kids, these moments seem to be the prevailing moments. Those feelings appear to be the prevailing feelings. It's extremely hard to picture that you will ever feel like you enjoy life again. Don't get me wrong, you do enjoy life, it's just that there are those moments that cloud your judgement.

Last year at this time I was in that moment. It seemed like those moments and feelings would never go away. I was pregnant and wasn't really feeling that great. It wasn't that I didn't love my precious baby girl who was growing inside me. I was just pouting about it. Big time. At the same time, I was dealing with the loss of my precious pup. And while I know it seems ridiculous to many people, it was so hard and it sucked so bad. If I am completely honest, it still sucks. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my Colty and every now and then, if I'm not careful, tears will escape my eyes. But, I digress. On top of all those sad and pouty feelings, I was trying to keep it together for my 2 big kids whose lives were in limbo. At this time last year, we were thisclose to adoption, but it wasn't certain yet. Those kids were stuck wanting, so desperately, to have a forever family and know that this was it and at the same time grieving the loss of what they knew as life. And I was trying to be their mom, as best as I could, while falling apart, all at the same time. So last summer, I shamefully confess, that I sucked and I let those moments and feelings take over.

Then, on August 2, 2013, I began to see more light. We adopted our precious big kids that day. And we celebrated with family and friends who love them so much and so well.

With the Judge who granted us "Forever" status.

with our Missional Community

With some of the staff from CFN, our licensing agency.

With our APD family. 

With our family of friends whose associations include high school, church and college.

With just a smidge of our family drove up from Freeport/Clute to make sure their grandkids/niece/nephew/cousins knew exactly how much they were already theirs.

Those are the moments you cling to and you beg God for when you are stuck in the dark moments. Because those are the moments when you appreciate every single moment that led up to that one. You are grateful that God allowed you to be a part of that moment and that He held you and sustained you in those darker moments that never seemed to go away. And you are thankful for these people that He placed in your life to encourage you and to tell you Truth when you needed it and to urge you to snap out of it and cling to His promises.

As a mother, there is nothing I want more than for God to call my kids to Him and for Him to be glorified in their lives. From before Elias and I began the adoption journey, we prayed that God would use us and the people in our lives to point our kids to Him. We knew that foster care would be hard and it would take a village to raise them. We knew that we couldn't protect them from this world, but that we could give them a solid foundation on which they could build their lives on. The first day they were in our house, we ate pizza and watched some TV and kinda went through some expectations. We told them that we went to church and were part of a missional community and that they were expected to be there with us. We did not expect them to participate, but we also wanted them to know that it was not going to be an option. Whether you agree with that or not, it does not matter. 

I remember taking our kids to our church, The Austin Stone, and they were nervous about all of the people there who were so excited to see them and meet them. They were immediately welcomed and I cannot tell you how many of my sweet friends greeted them with the line "We've been praying for you." And they meant it. Because so many of them prayed for me and my future husband and kids when we first met, those many years ago. 

Eventually, Kristina began to get involved with the students program and was immediately welcomed by the amazing workers there. I prayed that God would move in her life. And He did. He used the student and the staff to help demonstrate His love for her. To encourage her and to help sustain her when she needed it. 

All of that back story was to bring you to my most recent moment of gratefulness. Yesterday, in front of her friends and family, Kristina, along with one of her closest friends, was baptized. She made the public declaration that Jesus is her savior and they she will live her life for Him. She told people that on August 2, 2013 she knew that Jesus was alive, because, in her words, "how else would I be here today?" And in that moment, all the memories of the past few years came flooding in. Her D-Comm leader told everyone that you know that the Holy Spirit is in you by the fruits they are producing and she mentioned how K's fruits have changed so much these past few years. She mentioned the joy that K has now and the smile on her face. And I saw our friends and family, who have known her since her first day here, smile because I don't think it could have been said any better. 

There are so many more moments that I just don't have enough time and space to write about and I seriously could go on and on about this moment. But I will leave you with a verse that tells you why we live life and endure the hard moments and cling to the good ones. Because in those moments when darkness seems to consume you and you feel like there is not light, God reminds you of these moments that give you a glimpse of what He is doing.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10