"All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong"-Building 429
I think that the words to this song resonate with me because this is how I've felt for so long. *Before I go further, this is not a cry for help. I don't want to commit suicide or die.* The more that I read the Word of God and dig in and the more I learn about Jesus, the more I know that this is not where I belong. I have a longing for something more than what I find here. And days like this past Good Friday (4/6/12), I realize that my heart was most definitely not made for this world.
An APD officer was shot and killed that night. "Routine" call. Shot and killed. In the blink of an eye, 2 little girls lost their dad. Parents lost their son. Officers lost a comrade. Like that. I saw it on the news and my heart broke. My mind immediately went to the fact that my husband was not yet home. He should have been home 2 hours ago. And then I remembered the words of Jesus, "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." (John 14:27). I can have peace when things like that happen because God is with me. I would be lying if I said I didn't hug Elias a little tighter or hold him a little longer when he got home, because I did. And my heart did break that day when I thought of the sadness that this family would be feeling. It stirred a longing that is in me and has been in me since I can remember.
I was not made for this world. This world cannot satisfy me. It can give me a fix, but it can't be what I need. And this goes beyond worrying about Elias when he goes to work. I need this reminder when the kids make comments or have reactions to things that give me a glimpse into the hardships they've had to endure. And, to be completely real with you, I need God's peace when the kids or Elias or just anyone fails at satisfying me. Like when they talk back or complain about EVERY SINGLE THING and come off as completely ungrateful brats. Or when I feel like I have to explain for the millionth time why we are doing what we do. There are plenty of other verses that God gently whispers to remind me, but this one in particular seems to resonate in my heart quite a bit lately.
And then I am reminded that He is preparing me a place with Him. Thus this feeling of knowing that this world is not where I belong. I was created for somewhere different. And days like Good Friday remind me that my heart aches, not because the tragedies that happen in this world, but because He died so I might have life. And not just a life here on this earth, everlasting life.
I was not made for this world. This world cannot satisfy me. It can give me a fix, but it can't be what I need. And this goes beyond worrying about Elias when he goes to work. I need this reminder when the kids make comments or have reactions to things that give me a glimpse into the hardships they've had to endure. And, to be completely real with you, I need God's peace when the kids or Elias or just anyone fails at satisfying me. Like when they talk back or complain about EVERY SINGLE THING and come off as completely ungrateful brats. Or when I feel like I have to explain for the millionth time why we are doing what we do. There are plenty of other verses that God gently whispers to remind me, but this one in particular seems to resonate in my heart quite a bit lately.
And then I am reminded that He is preparing me a place with Him. Thus this feeling of knowing that this world is not where I belong. I was created for somewhere different. And days like Good Friday remind me that my heart aches, not because the tragedies that happen in this world, but because He died so I might have life. And not just a life here on this earth, everlasting life.
1 comment:
Beautifully said! I'm glad you're trying out this world the same time as me though. It definitely makes my world brighter! :)
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