Don't judge me.

We are almost done! We are about 99% done with our certification for foster care. I'm so excited and ready and nervous and scared all at the same time. It's a little weird to be feeling those things all at once. It's so crazy to think that we're going to have a kid(s) in our care in a week or so. It's also crazy to think of all the emotions that will go with having kids. I'm a pretty emotional person who usually likes to just get the emotion out and move on. Especially if it's more of a negative emotion (anger, jealousy, frustration, etc.).


Three times yesterday I had conversations with friends about what is coming up in our lives and how different it's going to be. It's amazing how God knows just what you need to be around when you need it and how He puts people in your life who will challenge you in the ways you will need to be challenged.


A recurring theme came up that I want to talk about here. It's actually what I am the most worried about. So bear with me as I lay it out.


My biggest fear is what other people will say about my kids and how I will respond. You see, we might have kids who just don't know how to act. I'm sure I'm going to be 'that mom' with 'those kids' who get the condescending looks and comments in the restaurant and the store. I'm pretty confident that my kids are going to do something that other parents would never allow their kids to do. My kids are going to have issues that we are going to have to deal with. And Elias and I are more than willing to deal with them because let's face it, we have issues that God deals with and He loves us still. But my biggest fear is not so much that I'm concerned with what other people think of my kids (although that could change once I have them here)  but with how I am going to react. Remember what I said about being an emotional person? I'm afraid that the first time someone gives that look or says something or makes my child feel bad for no good reason I'm not going to be nice. And I mean it. My first reaction when someone hurts anyone I love is 'I want to punch you in the face.' And in the moment I really do. But what usually happens, because I'm so mature (ha!) or I'm not in a place where I could punch them and get away with it (99% of the time), is I get really angry and then cry! And it's not because I want them to feel sorry for me or even because I'm sad. It's all because for some reason my eyes never seem to be able to hold back the emotion that I have. And then, I'm going to be even more mad that I cried in front of them and let them have the satisfaction of seeing it.


And that's not what I want for many reasons. 1st-Christ has called us to love and to forgive. (Proverbs 20:22, Proverbs 24:29). He says not to pay them back for what they did. 2nd-What kind of example would that be for the kids that God will be entrusting us with? And what kind of example would that be for them? Romans 12:17-21 says "Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. “BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."   This passage has been resonating in my heart for about a week now. Coincidence with everything going on? Come on! He has a plan and He has already determined this time in my life. There is no such thing as coincidence, it's all God's providence. 


We are so blessed to be able to have so many people surrounding us that love us and are supporting us through this time so I know there will be lots of accountability. And I know that our God is a gracious loving God, so if I slip up and say something in anger to someone, He'll still love me and He'll still forgive me. Doesn't mean He won't discipline me, but His love will still be there. 


I think I'll just stay inside and avoid everyone else who doesn't support us. Problem solved. But, just in case I venture out of these 4 walls, I'm going to kill 'em with kindness. And if and when those looks or comments come our way I will remember the words of my Lord.

Where to start?

As I ended in the last post, the biggest question we had was, "Where do we start?". So, if it was up to me I would have researched and researched and tried to figure out what was the best way for us to adopt. I would have looked at blogs on adoption and gone from there. I would have undoubtedly become overwhelmed to the point that I'm sure there would have been tears. But praise God for knowing more than me. Let me elaborate on that last sentence there for a moment. This past Sunday our Pastor preached an amazing message on being a church for the city. One of the main points of the message was that we are all here in the place/position we are because God appointed us to be here at this time. Acts 17:26 tells us 'and he made from one, every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times, and the boundaries of their habitation.' I really want you to keep that last part of that verse in your mind when I tell you where we started.

So, we began to pray and ask God where to start. And seriously, about a month or so after we first got our sweet girl, Anna, an agency that places children in homes for foster care and adoption, held an information meeting at one of our church campuses. This wasn't the first time we heard about foster care or even the first time we considered it. But it was the first time that not only would we able to attend the meeting to learn more, but we were also being supported by our missional community. All of us went to this meeting to hear and learn more about what all foster care entailed. But God had a plan for Elias and I  that only He could play out. Remember, He has already determined our appointed times and places!

That night as we sat in that information meeting learning more about foster care we saw faces. We saw precious little faces of children who were without a home. Some for just a little while, while they waited on their mom or dad to get the help they needed to be reunited with them once again. Some for some time already and still more time to go. They showed us kids who had been in foster care, taking a picture that would go on a website for prospective parents to look at. And we were broken. Because some of these kids were 5 years old when they took their first picture to put on the website. Did you catch that? FIRST PICTURE. Then they were older, taking new pictures every year or so to put on the website in hopes that someone would see them and want them. Elias and I knew that night that God wasn't just calling us to adopt, He was specifically calling us to adopt kids in the foster care system and to even do just plain ole foster care for kids so they would know they have a place to call home, if and when they needed.

So we grabbed the applications that night and got home and immediately began filling them out. We turned them in and began the training for foster care in January of 2011. So, that my friends is how we started the process for foster care. Do you see now how Acts 17:26 is so amazingly profound in light of everything? I mean, the fact that God knew that we would be around adoption growing up and know it's for us in the future and when that future became the present God, the Almighty, Creator of all things, would put us EXACTLY where where we needed to be to get started? I can't help but think of the Apostle Paul's words when I think of this whole process "Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and unfathomable His ways!" Romans 11:33! 

*Disclaimer* I'm not, in any way at all, saying that adoption of babies or kids from other nations is not an option for us or even that it's not a good option for anyone. In fact, Elias and I would love to adopt every single orphan in this world. But being that there are 147 million orphans in the world, I don't think we have a house big enough. Good thing is, I know Someone who does.

How'd we get here.

So, the main question we are asked is 'how'd you decide that foster/adopt was for you'. And the answer we always give is 'God'.  Because if I'm being honest, that is not just a reason, but the best reason why. You see, Elias and I knew we'd always wanted to adopt, even before we were married. He had read about caring for the orphan in the Bible growing up and knew it was something he could do. I had been around it so much growing up, even foster care for a brief time, that I couldn't really imagine not doing it. I think the point where we knew it was what we were going to do in our family was about 2-3 years ago. I was working at a school here in Austin that worked with at-risk youth. Elias was finishing up his Bachelor's degree at Texas State University. We were definitely at a place where we knew we were going to move on to the next step in life, but we just didn't know how or when. We began praying and asking God what He wanted for us.

Us with Anna watching a UT football game in 2010.

Last year, exactly 1 year ago this week actually, we had a sweet girl from Germany come live us for about 5 months. Those were quite possibly the best 5 months I've had in quite some time. We had so much fun being her 'parents' here in the US. We knew, for sure, that God was calling us to start our family. We also knew adoption was how He wanted our family to begin. We, as Christians, as sons and daughters of God, have been adopted into the family of God. When you study the Word, you can't help but notice that God is pretty clear on how He feels about orphans. In case you need some convincing, here are some verses that mention orphans.

• Hosea 14:3- In you the orphan finds mercy. 
• Exodus 22:22- You shall not afflict any widow or orphan.
• Deuteronomy 10:18- He executes justice for the orphan and widow, and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing.
• James 1:27- This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
• Isaiah 1:17- Learn to do good, seek justice, reprove the ruthless; Defend the orphan, plead for the widow.
• Psalm 68:5-  A Father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, Is God in His holy habitation.

So, we weren't completely convinced and needed a little more convincing. Nah, I'm just kidding. We absolutely knew that is what God wanted. Now we just needed to figure out where to start.