To say that it was a good teaching moment where the birds were chirping and the sun was shining, everyone was skipping as they walked into the rest of the day, would be a lie. It was not pretty. It was heated. Angry words poured out of mouths. Angry tears poured out of eyes. Hurt gushed out of the heart of one of the kids involved and into the heart of one angry and tired mom.
We got everything together and went to church. Not because I wanted to go to church. It was solely because Kristina was going to a friends house after church and I didn't want one more disappointed child in my house. She wouldn't have been very verbal about it, but I would have known that the disappointment was there and that would have been enough.
I walked into church and sent the kids to their individual classes. I visited with one friend who is also fostering; a sweet baby just a few weeks older than Hadley. I listened to her as she told me where she was at with her baby. I hugged her and as I walked away I saw another friend who has been such a great source of hope for me. A wise teacher, with a loving ear to listen and rich words of truth. She is proof, to me, that no matter what the situation that is happening, you do live and life will in fact go on and God is still good and worthy of praise.
I walked into the gym and found the first seat I could find and set my stuff down as a broken, weary soul. The worship leader began singing these words,
for the fatherless we pray be the father
let those who lost their way be understood
for the widow and the broken - be the lover who will hold them
we know that you are God and you are good
yes we know that you are God and you are good
for those who mourn today be the comfort
and who hunger after you be satisfied
you bless the poor in spirit for Heaven is their kingdom
we know that you are God and you are good
yes we know that you are God and your are good
And the tears flowed. And the weariness showed. I am sure that, to the people sitting around me, I looked crazy. Just as I am sure to my friends and to my kids I look crazy. But, in that moment, I honestly did not care about anything but knowing that He is God and He is good.
Because, for 3 out of the 4 kids in my home, mourning is something they have done or are in the process of doing, or, even, as we have learned recently, are forced to do when they thought it had all finished. I have sat with my kids and held them as the tears flowed because of situations that are completely out of their control and begged God to please comfort them. I have sat in school offices and received phone calls where people tell me that my kids behaviors are not typical and I could only laugh quietly to myself and begged God to help them be understood and for them to understand.
And so, on Sunday, I begged God again, in that gym, to please comfort my sweet foster son. To please mend his broken spirit. To please remind him that God is good even when people and situations around us are not. I asked God to remind me that He is good, always.
Foster care is not always easy. It's quite often hard. It's also quite often good. There are very few bad days that meld together and make you think it will never end. There are constant reminders that we live in a very broken world. When a blonde haired, blue eyed, cutie, walks into your living room, you are reminded of how he got there. And you are reminded that God is good. When you are making plans for your daughters 16th birthday(!), and she gives you these big dreams she has for her party, you are reminded that God is good. When you receive a call from a principal at your kids school because your kid is acting a fool and your kids says, "I'm just not used to always being in school", you remember God is good. And when you walk into church after having one of the worse mornings you have ever had and you see friends who remind you that He has given you the grace to get through these circumstances, you know He is good.
Even in those heated moments, where hurt is flowing and it seems like there is no end in sight, you know that He is God and He is good.
