"And He said to them, because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." Matthew 17:20
That is the verse that is running through my mind pretty much every time my mind wanders this past week. Because of HIPAA laws, I can't share specifics on this blog but I will do my best to share what I can.
When the kids came to us last October, we saw these 3 kids who were scared and timid. In particular, there was this girl standing at my door in jeans that had huge holes in them and she one arm was behind her back holding the other one at her side. I remember specifically noticing her posture and it sticking out more than anything. Over the course of the past (almost) year, our biggest struggle with her has definitely been confidence and self-esteem issues. I mean, come on, she is 13 years old in middle school. And if that's not rough enough, she is in foster care. And if that's not enough, she has this one thing that has been plaguing her her whole life. And that's not all of it. Like every 13 year old she is dealing with kids at school that could be mean. And it scared her. She was terrified of them knowing any of her deepest, darkest secrets. And it's not just the friends, it's everyone she encounters. She was not keen on people knowing some of the things in her life. And this one thing, we'll call it "The Thing" or TT for short, is something that she wants to deal with, it just won't be fun dealing with it.
This summer TT began the journey of no longer being a deep, dark secret, but instead being something that came to the light. It wasn't her choice, really. If she had had her way, she would have dealt with the thing in seclusion. But Isaiah 55:9 tells us that His ways are not our ways and thank God for that. It wasn't easy and it wasn't immediate, but it was perfect, as His ways always are. I mean seriously, I couldn't have orchestrated it any better than God did. There were definitely kinks, but again, His ways are perfect, so who am I to say they were kinks.
It all started one day this summer. She did not have to face her fear yet. And when I say fear, I mean fear. TT was definitely something she felt ashamed of, something she was embarrassed about. Again, I can't share specifics, but let me tell you, I'm pretty sure I cried that day when I saw her facing that fear. Then TT was definitely going to be dealt with by some people who knew what they were doing. And that's when the shell started coming off. The darkness started to lift and she began to see the light. Then the kinks came. And it seemed like the darkness might try to rear it's ugly head again. But God is greater than that, He is able to do more than we could ever imagine.
Fast forward about 6 weeks, TT decided it wanted to put up a fight. So, fight we did. A lot of us. We prayed for her and encouraged her as she was about to face her biggest fear. She was going to have to go to school and let her classmates in on her little secret. There would be no hiding it anymore. TT would be exposed for all to see. She already had to let kids at church in on TT and she found it was not nearly as horrible as she had imagined. But school, that's different. She has to see them everyday. One bad day can ruin a year. One deep, dark secret exposed can make every day seem dark and dreary. But we serve a God who allows suffering for our good and His. We serve a God who knows what He is doing. We serve a God who went before her and leveled mountains before she even went to school that Monday. We serve a God who goes with us and commands that we not be afraid.
She went to school on Monday with at least a dozen people praying for her. And when I say praying, I mean, on our knees, begging God to be with her and go before her and to be her strength as TT came to light. And He did far more than that. He crushed that mountain because she had faith He could and she had people who loved her praying that that mountain would be destroyed. She went to school that Monday and was immediately encountered by a staff member who noticed TT and encouraged her that it would be ok because he too had had a "Thing" when he was her age. She said after speaking to him about TT, she knew it would be alright. Then she encountered friends and classmates that noticed TT and wanted to know more. Something she has dreaded her whole life. Can you imagine spending your whole life avoiding something because you only felt shame. Then in one day, not only is that something out for all to notice, but it's also the center of attention and very interesting to everyone. And let me tell you, when I picked her up from school that day she was smiling. SMILING!!! I mean, teeth showing, laughter coming out a little when I said something absolutely ridiculous to break the ice before I bombarded her with questions about the day, smiling.
When the kids asked her questions about the TT, she told them and proudly proclaimed "It's how God made it. He knows what He's doing." And with that, the mountain was moved. And these foster parents were celebrating because they serve a BIG God. Huge. He is good. He is faithful. He is true to His Word. He is God. Don't ever forget that.
